i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
