Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
