I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
