Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he shaved USA in his pubs
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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