omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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