I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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