fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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