Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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