So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
