I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
