i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
