so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
