he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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