That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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