so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
