Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i will never coherently bang her
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
