Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
