I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
