Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
