So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
