I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
