awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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