I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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