Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
