i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
