I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
