I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
