seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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