you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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