forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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