five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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