My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
