The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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