I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
