Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
