At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
