come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
be right there i have to get my cape
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
