Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
