He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
