i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
