she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
