Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
