I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
