All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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