I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
