Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
