Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
