I puked a lego.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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