just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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