she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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