Texts From Last Night

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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.

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  (306): We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park. http://tfl.nu/ti46
  Replies (13) Good night (3361) Bad night (1143)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.

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  (937): What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease. http://tfl.nu/nyp8
  Replies (97) Good night (1361) Bad night (2935)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.

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  (919): My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq. http://tfl.nu/vzq9
  Replies (6) Good night (3657) Bad night (688)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!

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  (732): i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!! http://tfl.nu/t5uq
  Replies (80) Good night (7586) Bad night (2728)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be

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  (507): Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be http://tfl.nu/9ozv
  Replies (29) Good night (4637) Bad night (708)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  What is a GED?

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  (208): Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly (1-208): What is a GED? http://tfl.nu/qgi3
  Replies (47) Good night (1026) Bad night (9938)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.

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  (248): We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod. http://tfl.nu/ciwq
  Replies (3) Good night (2149) Bad night (1579)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.

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  (208): Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable. http://tfl.nu/h9sq
  Replies (7) Good night (1893) Bad night (683)
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  (284): View more from British V.I.-Carib

  they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.

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  (284): they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration. http://tfl.nu/df1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1548) Bad night (773)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.

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  (503): He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain. http://tfl.nu/zlsy
  Replies (2) Good night (1161) Bad night (422)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?

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  (859): Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed? http://tfl.nu/3iaa
  Replies (7) Good night (409) Bad night (1020)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.

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  (512): You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor. http://tfl.nu/8xpn
  Replies (1) Good night (1155) Bad night (408)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?

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  (914): I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator? http://tfl.nu/y5q4
  Replies (3) Good night (715) Bad night (358)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place

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  (647): My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place http://tfl.nu/nehb
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (590)
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  (559): View more from California

  Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.

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  (559): Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle. http://tfl.nu/b5en
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (285)

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