I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops