His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone