Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
