Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers