so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
