If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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