1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
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the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?