Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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