dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
