i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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