if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
