You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
