There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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