Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
