I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
