I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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