what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
