Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
