Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
