he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
