Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
