I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
