She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
