My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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