it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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