I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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