I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
