Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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