i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
