it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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