I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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