Define "chronic" masturbator.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
