There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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