It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
