You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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