He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
