hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
