I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
