I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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