I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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